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Legal Herald - THE LAW AND YOU

Bad Lawyer Jokes

December 6th 2006 11:58

Really, lawyers are not that bad. Yet they attract some of the worst jokes ever. See below!

www.morguefile.com

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

A: His lips are moving.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a buket of shit?

A: The bucket.

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

A: Stick his bill up his ass.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

A: Take your foot off his head.

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Posted By: Legally Brunette - Category: Jokes

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A Priest, A Lawyer and A Rabbi

November 8th 2006 08:07

Shark, photo by blondieb38, www.morguefile.com

A Priest, a Lawyer and a Rabbi are stuck on a desert island surrounded by man-eating sharks.

After a while their food and water run out and they are in danger of death. But then, they see an empty boat with a large barrel of water floating by.

PRIEST: This is agony! We must have the water but swimming through the sharks is certain death.

RABBI: Oh, what are we going to do?This is hopeless.

LAWYER: Hey, don't worry. I'll swim over.

After trying to convince the lawyer not to do it, the Priest and the Rabbi helplessly watch the Lawyer swim over to the boat. To their surprise, the sharks completely ignore the Lawyer.

When he makes it back to shore, the all begin talking at once:

PRIEST: It's a miracle! It's a miracle!

LAWYER: That was no miracle.

RABBI: Well, what do YOU call it?

LAWYER: Where I come from, we call that professional courtesy.

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Posted By: Legally Brunette - Category: Jokes

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Crocodiles and Lawyers

October 11th 2006 13:24

www.morguefile.com

Two crocodiles are sitting on the edge of a swamp.

The small one turns to the big one and says: How did you get so big? We're the same age, we were the same size as kids but you are so much bigger than me now!

The big croc pauses for a minute. Well, what have you been eating?

Lawyers, same as you, says the little one.

Well, where do you catch them? asks the big croc.

Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp, same as you.

And how do you catch them? asks the big croc.

Well, says the little croc, I crawl under a Porsche, wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out , bite 'em, shake the crap out of 'em and eat 'em!

The big croc smiles. Well there's your problem! By the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase...

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Posted By: Legally Brunette - Category: Jokes

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The Lawyer Genie

October 4th 2006 03:23

A man was walking along the street when he found a bottle. He rubbed it several times and a genie appeared.

I Dream of Jeannie Lane, in Coco Beach Florida

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Posted By: Legally Brunette - Category: Jokes

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10 Signs You Need A New Lawyer...

September 29th 2006 06:19

Everyone knows there are good lawyers and bad lawyers. But how do you really know if you are getting your money's worth?

Let's just say if your lawyer displays any of the following signs, it's high time you hired someone else

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Posted By: Legally Brunette - Category: Jokes

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