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Legal Herald - by Craig Hill

28-year-old Jennifer Strange wanted to win a Nintendo Wii for her three children. So she entered the KDND 107.9 radio competition called "Hold Your Wee For A Wii".

Just as it sounds, the point of the competition was to drink loads of water and then whoever could hold on to their wee for the longest would win a Wii.

After competing in the Wii competition, Ms Strange finished up her day at work and returned home complaining of a headache. She was found dead later that day.

In a preliminary investigation, the Coroner has indicated that Ms Strange's death was due to water intoxication.


So who is to blame?

One competitor has issued a statement saying that all contestants were warned of the health risks by the radio station and were advised not to put their health in danger.

I suppose no one ever thinks that drinking too much water could be dangerous, but clearly it is. Remember Leah Betts who died in the early 90's after consuming 7 litres of water in order to rehydrate herself following the effects of an ecstasy tablet?
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A Stupid Thief

November 16th 2006 09:49
There are thieves and there are stupid thieves. And a certain TV-stealing thief from the South of France (who shall remain nameless) definitely fits into the latter category.

You see, the daring Frenchman broke into and swiped a pensioner’s home in the village of Mussidan, stealing a TV set and several rifles.

Whilst the pensioner attended the police station to report the theft, it seems le monsieur returned to the scene of the crime because he had forgotten to steal the remote control the first time he was there. The problem being the police were already on their way!


Remote Control
photo by chelle from www.morguefile.com


So he got caught red-handed. The local police have even dubbed the guy “stupid”, an endearing term of course.

In Mr Stupid's defence, I must say, what use is a TV without a remote control anyway?
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The Spa Bandit

October 24th 2006 07:42
The people of Wisconsin are on the lookout for a person they’ve dubbed “The Spa Bandit”.

He’s everything you would expect a bandit to be – sneaky, clever and always one step ahead.

The Spa Bandit, who last used the alias “Scott Kendry”, is said to be a smooth-talking businessman. He has been booking himself into luxurious salons and spas throughout Wisconsin, having about AU$800 worth of work done, then dodging the bill. It’s genius really.

Chest, photo by clarita
www.morguefile.com
The guy gets a back wax, a chest wax, an eye-brow shaping, a massage and even a Brazilian. He also books in for a manicure and pedicure, but when it’s time for these treatments, he pretends he needs to go to his car to get something. He even tells the pedicurist to start the water running so they can start as soon as he returns - but he never does!

His last visit was to Azana Salon and Spa in Brookfield but 5 other spa owners in the area have made similar complaints. How do they know it’s the same person? Because all those who spoke to him found out that his favourite treatments are the butt massages and the bikini waxes!

Although no arrests have been made, there is video surveillance footage of the young, well-groomed male which could soon lead to his identification. Local police are currently investigating the matter.
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Granny Arrested

October 9th 2006 23:23
Ida and Emily, photo by click
www.morguefile.com


A grandma from Derbyshire, England was recently arrested after her neighbours called the cops on her. And for what?

No, she wasn’t doing pot, or beating up kids with a wooden spoon. She wasn’t even stabbing people with her knitting needles or poisoning people with her homemade pies. In fact, the poor woman did nothing.

Angela Hickling was arrested because she allegedly refused to return a ball kicked into her garden by her neighbours. She argued that there was no ball in her garden but her neighbours insisted that Mrs Hickling had taken it.

After the humiliation of being handcuffed in front of the entire street and being taken away for questioning, police searched Mrs Hickling’s home, only to find there indeed was no stolen ball on the premises.

And you know what I think? I think her next-door neighbour needs to get a life. Maybe you kicked it into someone else’s garden by accident. Maybe you still have the ball at your house, you just haven’t looked properly. Or maybe the ball rolled down the street and into a river far, far away.

Whatever the reason, did it really require the involvement of law enforcement officers?
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WANTED: Thief With Fake Breasts

October 5th 2006 11:44
MATURE CONTENT
   


Big Brother - The Answer To Street Crime?

September 20th 2006 08:27
Vandals, trespassers, litter bugs, public drunkards and all those who are thinking about mugging a little old lady – think again. There’s a new man in town and he’s making sure that anyone misbehaving on his streets is dealt with accordingly.

The locals have affectionately named him Big Brother. He’s the voice behind seven closed-circuit television cameras installed on the streets of Middlesbrough, England and linked to the local police station. Not only is he watching 24 hours a day, but also if he sees anyone getting up to no good, he’ll tell them off!

Peter Andre
Peter Andre*
How does it work exactly? Big Brother will give an accurate description of the culprit and then ask him or her to rectify their inappropriate behaviour. For example, if Peter Andre were to dump his can of hair grease on the street instead of throwing it in the bin, through a microphone wired to the camera, Big Brother would announce, could the man in the ripped white singlet and the dirty denim with the oily hair and the pink, silicone slut please pick that up.

According to local council officials who came up with the idea, this system is using a “public humiliation” tactic which discourages petty street crime.

Since the system was first put to use in August 2006, local councilors say that they have received positive feedback from the townsfolk. It seems to be especially effective on people who hear the voice for the first time and feel obliged to complying with Big Brother’s warning.

I gotta say, I’m rather surprised it’s actually working. If some random voice from a video camera told me to pick up my rubbish I’d probably stick my finger up at it and tell it to get f*****. Lucky I don’t litter, or do anything else that’s a violation of the law…

Would you comply?




*the image used in this post is from Wikipedia and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike 2.0
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Puppy Gets Restraining Order

September 5th 2006 06:23
Restraining Orders are court orders that prevent one party from carrying on a particular activity. If that party fails to comply, he or she may face a number of legal consequences such as prison time and fine payments.

We often hear about A-listers getting restraining orders against stalkers and survivors of domestic violence obtaining protection from their abusive partners. But did you know that animals may be granted restraining orders too?

A Bichon Frise Puppy
Blooming Rose Bud, owned by Mr Spiers. Photo by Sannse at the City Of Birmingham Championship Dog Show, 29 August 2003*



A fluffy, little white puppy known as Bebe was recently granted a protection order by a New York Judge after being severely abused by his owner’s friend.

Derek Lopez left his bichon frisé in the care of mate Frederick Fontanez trusting that the dog would be safe. But when he returned home after a day at work, Bebe appeared bruised, badly beaten and was constantly whimpering. In court, a veterinarian provided expert evidence that the tiny dog had been repeatedly hit and kicked.

During his arraignment, Mr Fontanez was informed that his actions constituted animal abuse. Recognising his own wrongful act and showing remorse, he was released on the condition that he stay at least 100 yards away from Bebe and his owner at all times.

Meanwhile, Bebe is in good care and is being nursed back to health.


******

* Permission is granted to copy, distribute and/or modify this document under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2 or any later version published by the Free Software Foundation; with no Invariant Sections, no Front-Cover Texts, and no Back-Cover Texts. Subject to disclaimers.

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The Underwear Thief

September 4th 2006 11:33
photograph by xenia, www.morguefile.com



A 32-year-old man from Oregon will be spending plenty of time behind bars after stealing college girls’ underpants. And it’s not the first time. No, it’s not the second time either. Third? No, no. Keep going.

This is Sung Koo Kim’s fourth “panty theft" arrest and he’s been whacked with an 11-year prison sentence for his apparent fetish. Sound a little hefty for petty theft?

Whilst Kim’s lawyers argued that he is mentally unstable and requires medication, prosecutors said that Kim’s obsession was more than just a case of panty fetishism.

Rather, it turns out that this lingerie-loving behaviour is part of a much larger picture. A larger, more violent picture in fact. Kim has been targeting the female swim team at Oregon State University for some time and labeling the lingerie with the girls’ names. This is characteristic of many predators who keep their victim’s possessions as a prize. The prosecutors also provided evidence that thousands of violent pornographic images were downloaded on Kim’s home computer as well as a document detailing the steps and supplies needed to carry out a murder.

Sounds like the authorities intercepted just in time…
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Tombstone, photograph by imagina
from www.morguefile.com


A number of strippers were arrested last week after Chinese authorities discovered them performing at funerals. Sound a little strange?

To us, maybe, but to those in rural parts of China, stripping at funerals is an age-old tradition. In a society premised on respect and honour, it seems that the more people who turn up to your funeral, the more respected and honoured you are. And stripteases guarantee a couple hundred viewers straight up.

In case you are wondering like I was, no, it’s not the family of the deceased who get their gear off. These strippers are professionals, employed by funeral directors to encourage attendance at the ceremony.

The recent arrests were made in the province of Jiangsu as authorities attempt to put an end to the practice. There are no laws in place, as of yet, banning the practice but it is anticipated.

So this whole forbidding of the raunchy funeral thing got me thinking.

As strange as it may seem to have adult entertainment at such an occasion, is it right for the legal system to put a stop to something that is so deeply rooted in tradition? Are those who practice hurting people by engaging strippers in the ceremony? Is it really just a question of the majority imposing their sense of morality on the minority?

No doubt, I think there are many instances where outlawing a practice is the correct thing to do. Take Female Genital Mutilation as an example. This is also deeply rooted in tradition, but as people become more educated about the extreme health risks of such practices, it seems only right that international law intervene to deem it a form of violence and torture against women.

So are strippers at a funeral comparable?

Maybe. I have my own opinions, and I'm sure you do too.

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Judge, public domain image


For those of you who are loyal readers, you may remember an article I wrote earlier this year about a retired Oklahoma Judge by the name of Donald Thompson. I was overwhelmed with emails and comments relating to that post, (with special mention going to Bunbury who really amazed me with her in depth knowledge of penis pumps) so I thought it only appropriate to give you all an update.

But first, let’s refresh our memories…

In June 2006, Judge Thompson was accused of the following misdemeanors:

1. Storing pornography on his computer in chambers.
2. Possessing and using a “penis pump” in court.
3. Shaving his scrotum whilst on the bench; and
4. Wanking.

At the time, these were nothing more than accusations and living in a society where you are presumed innocent until proven guilty, I was forced to remind myself that Thompson hadn’t necessarily done any of these things. In fact, I was rather torn, unable to decide whether or not this was a laughing matter. Click HERE for the full story.

But last month, Thompson was convicted on four counts of indecent exposure and today he was sentenced to four years in prison and whacked with a US $40,000 fine.

So now I’m going to let loose.


What the HELL did this guy think he was doing? Over the 23 years he has been serving as a prominent, valued member of the legal system, how many times did he sentence someone without focusing his full attention? How many people have suffered as a result of his actions? How many other times as he done this? How many other Donald Thompson’s are there, not just in the judiciary but in all positions of power and respect? Was the shaving of his scrotum such an immediate need, such a pressing concern that he had to pull out a shaver then and there and shave away? How can ANYONE, especially a high profile, exemplary member of society, think its ok to bring sex toys to work and then jerk-off in a public place, in the public view?

What a wanker.
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The Cleavage Ban

August 11th 2006 08:25
Photograph by Xenia
www.morguefile.com


There is a new dress code in Arlington, Texas and boys, you are not going to like it.

It is now against the law for girls to wear low-cut tops or anything with a “plunging neckline” in the classroom.

And how exactly does one determine whether or not a top is too low-cut? Well, it’s a simple test really. If the area between a girl’s breasts is visible, then you can be sure, she’ll be sent home.

Arlington School Board President, Sherri Wade, says that young boys are getting too distracted in class and are “unfortunately...looking at more than their English books.” It seems all that staring, ogling and drooling that you boys do, has finally backfired.

But it's not just the boys who are angry about this one. Teenage girls are just as mad. The fact is that we have generations of girls being raised by Christina Aguilera instead of Marcia Brady. They are choosing to wear revealing outfits because not only is the world around them normalising it, but also because many of them want such attention from their male counterparts.

I, on the other hand, am a child from the "Saved By the Bell" years. I was raised by Kelly Kapowski who sits right in the middle of the Aguilera-Brady spectrum. I think that girls should be able to express their femininity however they want as long as they maintain self-respect in doing so. And judging by some of the schoolgirls I see around Sydney, I'm not so sure that self-respect exists anymore.

So perhaps such a law is needed not only to assist the boys focus in class, but also to assist young girls realise that life isn't about your rack.

Is such a restriction going to work to the benefit of the education system? Let's hope so. Otherwise, we could just be giving male principals a ticket to a free perve.
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Lips, by Clarita
www.morguefile.com


Just when you thought you'd heard enough about the silicone and the collagen and were breathing a sigh of relief that all the pageant news was over for the year, out comes a new scandal so juicy, I had to write about it.

And this time, it’s about one of our own. Edwina Joyce Nattrass, a finalist in the recent Miss Australia pageant, had to face court today on a charge of theft.

I suppose all the fun in this story comes out of trying to guess what a beauty queen might steal...

Makeup?
Hairspray?
Those undies with the ‘no-visible-pantyline’ guarantee?
Or how about some double-sided Hollywood tape?

No, no. This 23-year-old model from Perth, breaking all stereotypes, stole a good old Aussie pie. In fact, the court was informed that Miss Nattrass stole 3 from the local supermarket, eating 1 and stashing 2 in her bag for later.

Who ever said that models don’t eat??

Miss Nattrass has been fined $300 and has been ordered to pay for the pies.
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The McDonald's Mc-Battle

August 7th 2006 09:27
Photograph by click
www.morguefile.com


I often crave a cheeseburger from McDonald’s. I think it’s the pickle that does it for me. That one kinda sweet, kinda salty, kinda sour ingredient that fuses so well with the mustard and the ketchup and the 100% Australian all-beef patty.

Just one bite can take me on a journey back in time - When leggings were cool and side pony-tails even cooler, and the only decisions in my life involved choosing between the sweet and sour sauce or the barbecue. A happy place, where we gathered for our play dates and had competitions to see if you could suck the lemonade out of the straw with a french fry in it.

Ah yes, back in the day the fast food giant was everybody’s friend and suing it would be like suing your own blood.

My, how the world has changed.

The latest case involving Macca’s concerned a trademark dispute with an intellectual property lawyer in Brisbane. Believe it or not, it was all about being able to use the “Mc-” prefix on some rugby shorts.

Malcolm McBratney, partner of legal firm McCullough Robertson said that McDonald’s had prevented him from using the label “McBrat” on his team uniform. He says that Macca’s was trying to extend it’s rights way beyond what was reasonable.

And he was right. The reality is, that although the prefix is unique to the fast food chain, this does not mean that the right to the prefix used in other contexts, in this case, on clothes, solely belongs to McDonald’s.

Clearly, if it were used in relation to burgers, then Macca’s would have an arguable case. But rugby shorts?

Don’t worry Macca’s. You still have the best pickles in the world.
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The Naughty Girl Scout

August 3rd 2006 10:00
Cookiesandjar, by Holder
from www.morguefile.com


Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to look past the friendly smiles, the bouncy pig tails and the offer of chocolate chip cookies because these physical manifestations of wholesomeness and purity may not be so wonderful after all...

Teresa Wickline, leader of Troop 225 in central Ohio has finally tainted the perfect reputation of the Girl Scouts. She is currently facing a prison sentence of up to 18 months. What exactly did this naughty scout do?

After her troop raised over $5000 in cookie sales and fundraising, she decided to pocket that money for herself and spend it on personal bits and pieces. Parents noticed that cheques were bouncing and that there was only $8 in the account. So they notified police and before you knew it, this scout was no longer her overly enthusiastic, chirpy self.

She has been charged with felony theft and if convicted, she will have to pay back the money and possibly spend a few months behind bars.

How could she do it? That’s what I want to know. She was given access to the funds because both the girls and the community trusted her. It is a part of the leadership training program to teach volunteers how to deal with money that is raised through the various girl scout activities.

Those poor girls probably spent hours annoying the daylights out of the rest of society so they could raise a few bucks in exchange for a dried up cookie. And then their leader robs them of all their hard work!

Shame on you, what sort of example are you setting for all the other smiley faced, rosey-cheeked, cookie-selling munchkins?
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The Penis Case

August 2nd 2006 09:01
MATURE CONTENT
   


A Strange Sexual Harassment Claim

July 28th 2006 02:14
MATURE CONTENT
   


The Guilty Police Dog

July 17th 2006 10:22
www.wikipedia.com


41-year-old Mary Stone was recently run over by a pick-up truck. No, it wasn’t a drunk driver. And no, it wasn’t a speeding teenager.

It wasn’t even a human being.

As strange as it sounds, the guilty party was a German Shepherd. And not just any old German Shepherd mind you. It was a trained police dog named Ranger.

Perhaps a little too well-trained, somehow, the four-legged creature managed to shift gears in the parked car and drive over his victim as she walked over to her mailbox.

What is most perplexing is how this dog managed to change gears and release the hand brake. Police are currently trying to investigate whether there might have been some malfunction with the gears that allowed the vehicle to be moved so easily.

So who is ultimately to blame for the accident? Well, technically, the policeman who was responsible for the dog at the time can’t be charged with anything because he hasn’t done anything wrong. He left the dog in the car for a short moment and chose to leave the engine on so that Ranger would get some air conditioning. When he noticed the car starting to roll forward, he yelled out to Mrs Stone, but it was too late.

So I guess that just leaves the dog.

And as for poor Mrs Stone? She suffered a fractured pelvis and several other broken bones, but she’ll survive.


*the image used in this post is licensed under the GNU Free Documentation License v1.2 or any later version.
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Shopoholic Goes To Jail

June 30th 2006 05:00
Leopard Print Stilettos
from www.morguefile.com


My name is Legally Brunette and I am a shopoholic. It was the softness of cashmere and the roughness of tweed that first got me hooked. And now I am addicted.

I love clothes. And shoes. And bags and perfume and lipstick. I find suede irresistible and lace even more so. On good days, I will buy from the sale rack. On bad days, I will purchase anything that’s baby pink, Escada or faux fur. It’s just the way I am. I can’t help it.

However, as dependent as I may be on my daily shopping fixes, I would never steal to support my habit. I work hard to pay for my indulgences and I guess that’s why Bettie Jean Barachie is going to jail and I am not.

Ms Barachie, a 39 year old compulsive shopper from the US has been charged and convicted of embezzling almost AU$3 million from a credit union for whom she worked in order to support her shopping obsession.

Embezzlement is a statutory offence involving the theft of money by an employee who has access to his or her employer’s bank account. However, it is often distinguished from theft because it takes place before the employer actually has possession of the money.

After accessing her employer’s account, Ms Barachie purchased hundreds of shoes, jackets, books, a swimming pool and even a tractor. She plead guilty to embezzlement and the District Court Judge sentenced her to just over 2 years in prison.

What could be worse than that? Well, Ms Barachie has also been ordered to pay back all the stolen money by selling her purchases on Ebay. I’m so glad I’m not in her fluffy pink shoes. I’m not sure I could part with ANY of my purchases. Ever...
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Naked Doctor

June 29th 2006 08:44
A senior surgical doctor at Sydney’s Concord Hospital was recently charged with obscene exposure. Sanjay Warrier sat on a letterbox in Coogee, naked, in broad daylight, flipping it and whipping it and scaring everyone off with it. Surprisingly, charges against him were dismissed because according to Magistrate Brian Moloney, it would not be in the interests of society to convict “ a skilled surgeon” such as Warrier in these circumstances.

Photo by Paul Anderson
from www.morguefile.com


Before you start getting all worked up about it like I did, thinking that if the dude was a ventriloquist, a stripper or a used car salesman, then he might not have been let off so easily, it is important to consider the circumstances that the Magistrate was referring to.

As it turns out Warrier is a reputable surgeon whom his colleagues describe as being of high moral integrity. He is a shy, religious, conservative type and it seems it was just plain unfortunate that one fateful day in December 2005, when fellow doctors organised a wild night on the town, Warrier decided to drink alcohol for the very first time...

Consuming relatively the same amounts as his mates, the effects were obviously magnified for the vodka virgin. He was in fact delirious and disoriented when the cops arrested him. In other words, it seems the obscene exposure was out of his control because he was so hammered, pissed, blind, off his nut, I think you get my drift...

Although I am normally all for punishing psychos who get a kick out of exposing themselves, I must say, I entirely concur with the magistrate’s decision in this case.

Warrier is no psycho flasher. He was simply inexperienced in the drinking side of things and the shame he will have to live with is probably enough to deter him from ever doing anything like this ever again. I hope.
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Liar Sentenced to 2 years Jail

June 26th 2006 06:54
Everybody lies from time to time. It’s just the way this world seems to work. Even the most honest of us do it. But I guess what matters is the degree to which you lie and the consequences of that lie on those around you. If you go too far, you could hurt someone. You could hurt yourself. You could even end up in jail...

from www.morguefile.com


Heather Faria learnt her lesson the hard way. She was a former high school teacher from Massachusetts who told a lie to family and friends that landed her a 2 year jail sentence. What was it all about ?

It started off as a little lie about not feeling too well. It ended up being a big fat pile of BS about how she had stomach cancer and couldn’t afford to pay for treatment. As a result, her friends and family raised over $50,000 to help their supposedly sick friend.

Now, you’d think at that point, the little voice inside of Faria’s head would have told her how dishonest, shameful and wrong this was. But no, instead, the 27 year old took the money and pretty much went wild. She went on a holiday, a shopping spree, bought herself a widescreen TV and some very expensive jewellery.

I guess the problem with telling one lie is that you have to tell another few to maintain the validity of the first. If you don’t cover every track, you are bound to get caught. Ms Faria’s mistake was telling friends she was receiving treatment from the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. But the Institute announced they had no such patient, and before you knew it Ms Faria was in court explaining herself to a lot of angry people.

Wonder if any of her friends will visit in her in jail...
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from www.commons.wikimedia.org


Retired Judge, Donald Thompson, will be on trial in Oklahoma very soon for allegedly exposing and pleasuring himself whilst presiding over a matter in court. His court reporter, Lisa Foster who has been employed by Thompson for 18 years, testified in a preliminary hearing that she not only saw him using a “penis pump” on four separate occasions in 2002 and 2003 but also alleges that she saw him shave his scrotum in court! Thompson is further accused of using state computers to view pornographic images.

I honestly do not know whether to laugh or cry.

Why laugh?

1.Because I know that being in court is boring, but not THAT boring.

2.Because I don’t actually know what a penis pump is, but it sounds funny.

3.Because it really would’ve hurt if that shaver accidentally slipped.

Why cry?

1 Because we put our faith in judges to give their full attention to matters so they make informed decisions about the rights and liberties of our people.

2. Because we put our faith in judges to send the baddies to jail and the good guys home and generally maintain an orderly society.

3.Because I wonder how many other judges out there do not give their full attention to legal proceedings.

4.Because maybe he’s innocent, and if he is, he will forever have to live with the disgrace and humiliation of this case.

What do YOU think?


The image used in this post is in the public domain.
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